This morning was my first of 16 chemo treatments at Diablo Valley Oncology over the next 5 months...sounds a little daunting, doesn't it? Well, fortunately it was a breeze...I can only hope the remaining 15 go as well. When we first arrived they showed us to our "infusion suite"; a little cubicle-like room with a comfy lazy-boy chair and a medical pole/stand which holds the bags of medicines. There was also a chair for Harun but his was not quite as comfortable as mine. The nurse (another wonderful woman, by the way) took my temperature and my blood pressure, and then brought me a nice warm blankie and reclined my chair to make me comfortable. Kinda like being on vacation. Well, sort of.
Kaval (the nurse) explained to me what type of "cocktail" I was going to be getting today. I was to receive 5 different drugs...all administered separately via the port on my chest which I got put in last week. The medicines are all feed through an IV drip into the port. It's a little bit painful when they hook the tube to the port, then after that you don't feel a thing. Once the medicines start flowing in you can relax because the drugs are doing their work and you just sit back and read or chat or do a crossword (which is what I did today). The cancer drugs are given last. First, she was going to administer two anti-nausea medicines into my port (10 or 15 minutes to drain each bag). Secondly, she was going to give me an anti-anxiety drug called Emend (woo hoo! I LIKE that one!) which took another 10 minutes or so. It made me feel HAPPY. I said to Harun, "We gotta stop buying Chardonnay and just invest in some of this Emend stuff!" Hee hee! Thirdly, I got Cytoxan (that's one of the heavy-hitter cancer drugs). It's administered a little differently...it's not in a bag like the others. The nurse has three big syringes of the stuff and she shoots it into the tube instead of letting it drip. She said this is done to insure that it goes into my bloodstream instead of my tissues. Kind of crazy because it looks exactly like red coolaid...I jokingly asked her if she was sure she was using the right stuff! For the next day or two I will be peeing pink as a result of this infusion. The last drug was Adriamycin; the second of the heavy hitters. A side affect of the Adriamycin infusion is that it makes your nose itcy and I was sneezing a little bit. Weird. To top off this crazy medicine cocktail, they have me a bit of saline in the IV to "flush it all down"...is that supposed to be like a chaser drink? Not sure.
Anyhoo, I'm resting now at home. So far, so good. I feel a little loopy and sleepy but definitely not sick at all. I suppose the next day or two or three will be the real test as to how my body tolerates the drugs. I am hoping to feel well enough to attend all the family festivities on the 4th of July (one of my favorite holidays) but we'll see. Thank you again to all of you who are praying and thinking happy thoughts for me. I feel your strength and love, I really do.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Friday, June 24, 2011
Yes, Angels Do Exist
I got home not too long ago from the port procedure at John Muir. All went well, and it was a relatively minor procedure. The surgery only took an hour and then another hour in recovery so it truly was a "quickie"! Now that I am home and resting, I have to share one story about this particular experience.
When I was in recovery this morning, I was assisted by a wonderful African American nurse named Brenda. She had a very gentle, soothing way about her that I liked instantly. We chatted for a few minutes about what I was going through and I got the sense she really felt for me and what I am currently going through. I realize that all nurses possess a great deal of compassion and empathy, but Brenda seemed to embrace me with her eyes and she somehow looked into my soul and made me feel calm. She grabbed my hand and held it and told me to take things one day at a time...that all would be well if I could just go slowly and face the days one at a time. She didn't pull her hand away; she held tight and just looked at me. She continued telling me that in her spare time she likes to knit, and if it was OK with me, she wanted to knit me a little cap for my head that I could wear at night. She said, "because no one likes to go to bed with a cold head, Sistah!". She asked me what color I liked and I told her my color these days is pink, definitely pink. Hope for a cure. So Brenda said, "pink, it is!" and she told me she would send it to my home address. I think that somehow God knew I needed an extra bit of love today and He sent Brenda my way. What a wonderful thing.
When I was in recovery this morning, I was assisted by a wonderful African American nurse named Brenda. She had a very gentle, soothing way about her that I liked instantly. We chatted for a few minutes about what I was going through and I got the sense she really felt for me and what I am currently going through. I realize that all nurses possess a great deal of compassion and empathy, but Brenda seemed to embrace me with her eyes and she somehow looked into my soul and made me feel calm. She grabbed my hand and held it and told me to take things one day at a time...that all would be well if I could just go slowly and face the days one at a time. She didn't pull her hand away; she held tight and just looked at me. She continued telling me that in her spare time she likes to knit, and if it was OK with me, she wanted to knit me a little cap for my head that I could wear at night. She said, "because no one likes to go to bed with a cold head, Sistah!". She asked me what color I liked and I told her my color these days is pink, definitely pink. Hope for a cure. So Brenda said, "pink, it is!" and she told me she would send it to my home address. I think that somehow God knew I needed an extra bit of love today and He sent Brenda my way. What a wonderful thing.
Friday, June 24 - Port Surgery Day
H and I are about to leave for Aspen Surgery Center at John Muir. Yet another yucky procedure! Argh! This morning they are doing the "minor" surgery of putting the port in my chest (the port is where they will administer the chemo drugs). Needless to say, I am not looking forward to it. I am sure it will go fine and hopefully be over in a flash, but I am getting tired of all this crap!
Friday, June 17, 2011
Thursday, June 16 - Sportin' a NEW DO!
We had a family conference this week to discuss the dilemma of all my hair falling out. I have been wearing it fairly long for the last few years (just past shoulder length) so the thought of all of it coming out is not necessarily a happy one. But that being said, I will take it all in stride and have a little fun with it! I've always wanted to try a choppy, short hairstyle but there never seemed to be a good time to try it. I think longer is more asthetically pleasing on me, but shorter is so much easier! Especially with all the exercising and bike riding I do. It's just wash, quickly, and go!
Carolyn is the one who is most upset by the idea of my hair loss...the other two are seeming to take it in stride. We talked about it and decided that we will take the process in baby steps; first I would get a short haircut (so they would get used to seeing me with shorter hair), and then wait for the first few weeks. As soon as it starts to feel like it is going to fall out, I will let them have fun with the scissors and do whatever craziness they want (supervised, of course!). Then Harun will do the shaving with some tools we have at home...I have been told it just feels better to shave it once it all starts to go.
So, with the blessing of my kids and husband, I went and had 4 inches of hair cut off today. The girls found a photo of a cut they liked on the internet and we took it down to Great Clips. The stylist did a decent job, but it sure feels weird! It definitely will take some getting used to. The oncologist said that I could expect to lose my hair about the time of my second treatment, so that means around July 14th. So from now until July 14th I am sporting a short, blond bob!
I think in Lake Tahoe on vacation I'm going to host a "crazy hair/wig/hat" party on one of the nights we are there in honor of all this craziness. We vacation with a big group of folks in Tahoe in July and we always get together for parties, so why not ask everyone to put on a wild-looking wig or hat? The kids could use funky colored hair spray and spike their hair...something like that. I will run the idea by the group to see if it will be well received. I think it sounds like fun!
Next on the list: wig shopping. Going to get to that next week.
Carolyn is the one who is most upset by the idea of my hair loss...the other two are seeming to take it in stride. We talked about it and decided that we will take the process in baby steps; first I would get a short haircut (so they would get used to seeing me with shorter hair), and then wait for the first few weeks. As soon as it starts to feel like it is going to fall out, I will let them have fun with the scissors and do whatever craziness they want (supervised, of course!). Then Harun will do the shaving with some tools we have at home...I have been told it just feels better to shave it once it all starts to go.
So, with the blessing of my kids and husband, I went and had 4 inches of hair cut off today. The girls found a photo of a cut they liked on the internet and we took it down to Great Clips. The stylist did a decent job, but it sure feels weird! It definitely will take some getting used to. The oncologist said that I could expect to lose my hair about the time of my second treatment, so that means around July 14th. So from now until July 14th I am sporting a short, blond bob!
I think in Lake Tahoe on vacation I'm going to host a "crazy hair/wig/hat" party on one of the nights we are there in honor of all this craziness. We vacation with a big group of folks in Tahoe in July and we always get together for parties, so why not ask everyone to put on a wild-looking wig or hat? The kids could use funky colored hair spray and spike their hair...something like that. I will run the idea by the group to see if it will be well received. I think it sounds like fun!
Next on the list: wig shopping. Going to get to that next week.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Wednesday, June 15 - Two Appointments in One Day
Today we had the pleasure of going from one appointment to the next. First, we met with "Michelle" at Dr. Svahn's office who will be my chemo nurse throughout the 5-month chemo process. She's cool. She went over all the drugs that will be administered during the 16-treatment regimine. The funny thing is, in your chemo drip you really only get ONE cancer-killing drug during treatment, mixed with a whole cocktail of approximately 5 other drugs to help combat the side effects from the ONE cancer-killing drug. Pretty interesting. These "helper" drugs assist in control things like nausea, constipation, anxiety, diarrhea. Like I said in a previous post, the first two months will be the most difficult of all (I go every two weeks) and then for three months I will go every week. A "frequent visitor", I will be. We got to tour the facility where they administer the chemo...it resembled an office with little cubicles, only in this case, each cubicle is an "administering station". Each has a huge, leather lazy-boy chair and then a small chair (for a visitor/helper, I assume) and a medicine stand where they hang the bag(s) of drugs you receive. They have portable DVD players and a nice selection of movies, books, magazines, etc. Basically I will sit in the lazy boy for approximately 90 minutes to receive the medicine. The nurses tell me that the time passes quicker if I bring a friend along. I am asking Harun to come with me for the first and second chemo treatments; but I might be looking for friends to take me from time to time so that I can give Harun relief. We'll see. They said depending on how my body reacts, I should probably have a driver lined up to take me to and from. It might be possible that I tolerate the drugs just fine and could drive myself, but only time will tell. My first treatment is Thursday, June 30th. I am nervous about it, but I'm adopting the Nike slogan, "JUST DO IT".
Our second appointment was with my cancer surgeon, Dr. Eigelberger. She said I was looking good, healing fine, and she gave me the thumbs up to drive the car and START RIDING MY BIKE AGAIN! Did you hear what I just said??? I was stunned. She said only flat rides and short rides at first, but that there was no reason to keep me off the bike. Yeah, Baby! I will see Dr. E again next week for an outpatient procedure where she will insert the VAP under my skin near my clavicle (I don't know exactly what VAP stands for, but essentially it is the port by which they give me the chemo drip). I am dreading yet another surgery but she assured me it is a "quickie" and over before I'll know it. The VAP is used as an alternative to having an IV inserted into my arm for each treatment.
I am still waiting anxiously for the day I can shower! Trust me, it's the little things you start to really miss...
The meals we have been receiving from folks have been AWESOME so I just gotta give a shout out to everyone who is helping feed my family! It has been such a blessing to have this help. I just got done eating a slice of homemade apple pie from my friend Angie...yum yum. My appetite has been improving greatly this week so it's been fun to eat what everybody has been bringing over. Thank you to all of you angels.
Also, compliments of my high school girlfriends, my house got thoroughly cleaned yesterday! Wow! What a special treat. My mother-in-law has been doing everything around here and it was awesome to give her the day off! The house is spotless and I am happy.
There have also been other angels who have been helping me with my kids...I won't mention your specific names, but you know who you are. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Our second appointment was with my cancer surgeon, Dr. Eigelberger. She said I was looking good, healing fine, and she gave me the thumbs up to drive the car and START RIDING MY BIKE AGAIN! Did you hear what I just said??? I was stunned. She said only flat rides and short rides at first, but that there was no reason to keep me off the bike. Yeah, Baby! I will see Dr. E again next week for an outpatient procedure where she will insert the VAP under my skin near my clavicle (I don't know exactly what VAP stands for, but essentially it is the port by which they give me the chemo drip). I am dreading yet another surgery but she assured me it is a "quickie" and over before I'll know it. The VAP is used as an alternative to having an IV inserted into my arm for each treatment.
I am still waiting anxiously for the day I can shower! Trust me, it's the little things you start to really miss...
The meals we have been receiving from folks have been AWESOME so I just gotta give a shout out to everyone who is helping feed my family! It has been such a blessing to have this help. I just got done eating a slice of homemade apple pie from my friend Angie...yum yum. My appetite has been improving greatly this week so it's been fun to eat what everybody has been bringing over. Thank you to all of you angels.
Also, compliments of my high school girlfriends, my house got thoroughly cleaned yesterday! Wow! What a special treat. My mother-in-law has been doing everything around here and it was awesome to give her the day off! The house is spotless and I am happy.
There have also been other angels who have been helping me with my kids...I won't mention your specific names, but you know who you are. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Monday, June 13, 2011
Monday, June 13 - What a beautiful day...
Harun drove me down to San Ramon to my appointment at Dr. Wotowic's offices this afternoon. What a glorious day it is! Dr. W said that it was time to have my drains removed (3) and I couldn't have been more elated! These gosh darn drains underneath each armpit were the most uncomfortable, annoying, painful, itchy things imaginable. They were such a constant source of pain for me over the past 10 days; they made it difficult to move around, to sit, to sleep, etc., so I was so thrilled to see this day come.
Even with the drains removed, the underarm area is still incredibly sore and tender so I will continue to take the pain pills until no longer needed. Dr. W said that showering was still not allowed (due to the remaining sutures) but that I could probably drive come Wednesday. Woo hoo...freedom! I didn't ask about biking yet, because I'm pretty sure he'd put the kybosh on that this early in the recovery, but I will ask when I see him next week. He said my "new girls" were lookin' good, and gave them a little lift (he injected 30cc of saline solution into each tissue expander in each breast). It was really quite cool - the tissue expander was surgically inserted after the mastectomy and over the next few weeks he will do these injections until I am the chosen size. I gotta say, they are looking pretty nifty. There is a very small, unnoticable port in each tissue expander and it is through this port where they insert the needle to inject the solution. (If there wasn't a port, I suppose they would "pop" the little saline balloon.) Sounds kinda gross, but it was actually quite neato. I did not feel a thing while they did this - very weird. In fact, I don't have any sensation in the new breasts at all. I can run my hand across the skin and it just feels numb. This will definitely take some getting used to.
I will see Dr. W again next Monday and the reason for the appointment will be twofold - first, to remove the sutures and second, to give the girls another injection with saline.
I am tired tonight, but definitely relaxed and content. I am making it a point to celebrate small victories...and today's small victory (having the drains removed) has made me happy. :)
Even with the drains removed, the underarm area is still incredibly sore and tender so I will continue to take the pain pills until no longer needed. Dr. W said that showering was still not allowed (due to the remaining sutures) but that I could probably drive come Wednesday. Woo hoo...freedom! I didn't ask about biking yet, because I'm pretty sure he'd put the kybosh on that this early in the recovery, but I will ask when I see him next week. He said my "new girls" were lookin' good, and gave them a little lift (he injected 30cc of saline solution into each tissue expander in each breast). It was really quite cool - the tissue expander was surgically inserted after the mastectomy and over the next few weeks he will do these injections until I am the chosen size. I gotta say, they are looking pretty nifty. There is a very small, unnoticable port in each tissue expander and it is through this port where they insert the needle to inject the solution. (If there wasn't a port, I suppose they would "pop" the little saline balloon.) Sounds kinda gross, but it was actually quite neato. I did not feel a thing while they did this - very weird. In fact, I don't have any sensation in the new breasts at all. I can run my hand across the skin and it just feels numb. This will definitely take some getting used to.
I will see Dr. W again next Monday and the reason for the appointment will be twofold - first, to remove the sutures and second, to give the girls another injection with saline.
I am tired tonight, but definitely relaxed and content. I am making it a point to celebrate small victories...and today's small victory (having the drains removed) has made me happy. :)
Friday, June 10, 2011
Friday, June 10th - Meeting with the Oncologist
I love my oncologist! Kind of a funny statement, I know, but she truly is a gem. Her name is Dr. Tiffany Svahn and her office is in Pleasant Hill, over near the Sun Valley Mall. I had heard wonderful things about her from several of her patients, so when I found out she was the oncologist I would be working with I was very pleased. Lucky for me, all the things they had told me about her were true. She is a very caring, compassionate doctor and is a specialist in treating breast cancer. And yes, she is younger than me. :)
Dr. Svahn confirmed the two pieces of good news we got yesterday - one one lymph node was affected with cancer, and the cancer inside the breast was estrogen receptive. Yes, these are both good things but unfortunately it means the game is TOTALLY changed. That one, stinkin', diseased, cancerous lymp node they found beneath my armpit essentially changes EVERYTHING. Yes, to look on the bright side, I am happy that it is only ONE cancerous lymp node, but its presence changes everything.
Because it was only one lymp node found, she suggested not having a PET scan. Usually patients with 4 lymph nodes affected or more are advised to have the PET scan. I am fine with that. But now the game changes from having Stage 0 cancer to having Stage 2 cancer (again from that one stupid lymp node). That's a big jump.
Next step in my treatment - Chemo. I am bummed, because chemo was my ultimate fear with all this (honestly, even moreso than having the bilateral mastectomy surgery). Mainly because my kids will surely be affected by seeing me with no hair, but unfortunately I have no choice in the matter. I'm just gonna have to rock a stylish wig, I guess! It's fairly ironic because my hair now is the longest it has ever been. Oh well. I will have 16 treatments of chemo over five months. My treatment will start probably July 1st and I will have a chemo treatment every two weeks (for the first two months), and then I believe every week for the next three months. I'm trying to schedule the appointments so that I can still do our annual summer vacation in Tahoe...surely, I am not going to miss THAT due to cancer! The hardest part over the five months will be the first two months; that's when the most powerful drugs are administered (the chemo is called dose-dense chemo). So that means that my July and August will not be my happiest of times! But my September, October, and November should be better.
Chemo essentially involves sitting in an office hooked up to a port (in my skin) where they administer the medication over 2 or 3 hours. Dr. Svahn said I will probably feel fine the day it is administered, but the two or three or four days following I will be extremely tired and maybe nauseated. She said they do try to give you a drug cocktail to help alleviate these symptoms, but to expect a rough road. She suggested shaving my head/hair before it starts falling out on its own (she said that can somehow be LESS disturbing to women rather than losing it in chunks...not sure how that could be?!). Yuck! I'm gonna have to get some cool bandanas and rock that look for awhile, I suppose.
The survival rate after my bilateral mastectomy and chemo treatments will be 87%...I'll take it. That number will possibly go up if I also choose to utilize hormone therapy (see my paragraph about Tamoxifen below).
So that all being said, next week will be busy with appointments for me. I have a huge "to do" list. First stop early in the week will be Dr. Wotowick's office to have my drain tubes removed...woo hoo! This could not happen soon enough, believe you me. These damn tubes are extremely uncomfortable and I cannot wait to have them gone. Next, I have to schedule an appointment with Dr. E to have a port put in my chest area for the chemo...evidently it is an outpatient procedure and not a big deal (yay, for once, something is not a big deal!). How refreshing. Thirdly, I have to visit John Muir for a chest x-ray, some blood work, and an Ekkogram (to check my heart). These are all tests that are required before you start chemo.
And all this will go on even during the reconstruction of my new boobies! I am going to be one busy lady for the next few months. During the chemo, Dr. Wowo will continue to "do his thing" creating my new girls. This means weekly visits to his office so that he can add saline each time to my temporary implants (allowing the skin to expand gently each time). I will have a later surger in the Fall to have the permanent impants put in and I'm still sticking to my goal of having them looking picture perfect by Christmas.
OK, so even after ALL THIS chemo and reconstruction is over, I will probably be put on a 5-year regime of a drug called Tamoxifen. It is usually prescribed to woman like me (pre-menopausal) to keep the cancer away. A crazy side affect is that it might send me into menopause early - yuck; but there are proven benefits to taking it so I will obviously comply. I feel like I will cross this bridge once I get there...I realize there is a great deal to accomplish in my treatment before I start taking Tamoxifen. Too much to think about now to worry about it.
That's all for now, folks.
Dr. Svahn confirmed the two pieces of good news we got yesterday - one one lymph node was affected with cancer, and the cancer inside the breast was estrogen receptive. Yes, these are both good things but unfortunately it means the game is TOTALLY changed. That one, stinkin', diseased, cancerous lymp node they found beneath my armpit essentially changes EVERYTHING. Yes, to look on the bright side, I am happy that it is only ONE cancerous lymp node, but its presence changes everything.
Because it was only one lymp node found, she suggested not having a PET scan. Usually patients with 4 lymph nodes affected or more are advised to have the PET scan. I am fine with that. But now the game changes from having Stage 0 cancer to having Stage 2 cancer (again from that one stupid lymp node). That's a big jump.
Next step in my treatment - Chemo. I am bummed, because chemo was my ultimate fear with all this (honestly, even moreso than having the bilateral mastectomy surgery). Mainly because my kids will surely be affected by seeing me with no hair, but unfortunately I have no choice in the matter. I'm just gonna have to rock a stylish wig, I guess! It's fairly ironic because my hair now is the longest it has ever been. Oh well. I will have 16 treatments of chemo over five months. My treatment will start probably July 1st and I will have a chemo treatment every two weeks (for the first two months), and then I believe every week for the next three months. I'm trying to schedule the appointments so that I can still do our annual summer vacation in Tahoe...surely, I am not going to miss THAT due to cancer! The hardest part over the five months will be the first two months; that's when the most powerful drugs are administered (the chemo is called dose-dense chemo). So that means that my July and August will not be my happiest of times! But my September, October, and November should be better.
Chemo essentially involves sitting in an office hooked up to a port (in my skin) where they administer the medication over 2 or 3 hours. Dr. Svahn said I will probably feel fine the day it is administered, but the two or three or four days following I will be extremely tired and maybe nauseated. She said they do try to give you a drug cocktail to help alleviate these symptoms, but to expect a rough road. She suggested shaving my head/hair before it starts falling out on its own (she said that can somehow be LESS disturbing to women rather than losing it in chunks...not sure how that could be?!). Yuck! I'm gonna have to get some cool bandanas and rock that look for awhile, I suppose.
The survival rate after my bilateral mastectomy and chemo treatments will be 87%...I'll take it. That number will possibly go up if I also choose to utilize hormone therapy (see my paragraph about Tamoxifen below).
So that all being said, next week will be busy with appointments for me. I have a huge "to do" list. First stop early in the week will be Dr. Wotowick's office to have my drain tubes removed...woo hoo! This could not happen soon enough, believe you me. These damn tubes are extremely uncomfortable and I cannot wait to have them gone. Next, I have to schedule an appointment with Dr. E to have a port put in my chest area for the chemo...evidently it is an outpatient procedure and not a big deal (yay, for once, something is not a big deal!). How refreshing. Thirdly, I have to visit John Muir for a chest x-ray, some blood work, and an Ekkogram (to check my heart). These are all tests that are required before you start chemo.
And all this will go on even during the reconstruction of my new boobies! I am going to be one busy lady for the next few months. During the chemo, Dr. Wowo will continue to "do his thing" creating my new girls. This means weekly visits to his office so that he can add saline each time to my temporary implants (allowing the skin to expand gently each time). I will have a later surger in the Fall to have the permanent impants put in and I'm still sticking to my goal of having them looking picture perfect by Christmas.
OK, so even after ALL THIS chemo and reconstruction is over, I will probably be put on a 5-year regime of a drug called Tamoxifen. It is usually prescribed to woman like me (pre-menopausal) to keep the cancer away. A crazy side affect is that it might send me into menopause early - yuck; but there are proven benefits to taking it so I will obviously comply. I feel like I will cross this bridge once I get there...I realize there is a great deal to accomplish in my treatment before I start taking Tamoxifen. Too much to think about now to worry about it.
That's all for now, folks.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Thursday, June 9th - GOOD NEWS!
This day will be one I remember for two very good reasons:
1) Our daughter, Maddie, turned 13! A true teenager and beautiful in every sense of the word. We are so proud of her. I can't believe I became a mother 13 years ago today.
2) Dr. Eigelberger called with some fantastic pathology news - out of 22 lymph nodes taken during surgery last Friday only ONE had cancer!! This is very promising and means that most likely there is no cancer anywhere else. Whew! I now can feel great about exhaling! I will still have a PET scan and it will probably still mean some form of chemotheraphy but THIS IS GOOD NEWS. Also good news is that the type of cancer I had is called hormone receptor - positive. This basically means that my breast cancer’s cells have a significant number of receptors for either estrogen or progesterone, and is very likely to respond to hormonal therapies. Part of my treatment will most likely include a drug called Tamoxifen, and it has been clinically proven to keep cancers like mine away. Woo hoo! We have a meeting with my oncologist tomorrow, Dr. Tiffany Svan, and she will probably have the entire pathology report to discuss. I promise to post more once I know more, but for now take comfort in knowing that WE ARE ONE STEP CLOSER TO BEING CANCER-FREE! Life is good. Keep those prayers comin'...they are working!!! XO
1) Our daughter, Maddie, turned 13! A true teenager and beautiful in every sense of the word. We are so proud of her. I can't believe I became a mother 13 years ago today.
2) Dr. Eigelberger called with some fantastic pathology news - out of 22 lymph nodes taken during surgery last Friday only ONE had cancer!! This is very promising and means that most likely there is no cancer anywhere else. Whew! I now can feel great about exhaling! I will still have a PET scan and it will probably still mean some form of chemotheraphy but THIS IS GOOD NEWS. Also good news is that the type of cancer I had is called hormone receptor - positive. This basically means that my breast cancer’s cells have a significant number of receptors for either estrogen or progesterone, and is very likely to respond to hormonal therapies. Part of my treatment will most likely include a drug called Tamoxifen, and it has been clinically proven to keep cancers like mine away. Woo hoo! We have a meeting with my oncologist tomorrow, Dr. Tiffany Svan, and she will probably have the entire pathology report to discuss. I promise to post more once I know more, but for now take comfort in knowing that WE ARE ONE STEP CLOSER TO BEING CANCER-FREE! Life is good. Keep those prayers comin'...they are working!!! XO
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Week of June 6 - Recovering at Home
Home Sweet Home! It felt great to return home to my family on Monday afternoon. Just as I had imagined, the surgery went well and thanks to the drugs, I don't remember anything at all. I am thankful first and foremost to the Lord, because I felt him holding me in the palm of his hand all weekend. Secondly, my husband, sister, mom and dad were amazing. Harun is normally very nervous in hospitals and around anything to do with the medial field in general, and yet he was cool and calm and very reassuring that all would be well. I am so proud of him. He even watched them remove my bandages for the first time and became my "primary" caregiver at home - the nurses taught him how to change my dressings and to drain my tube fluid. Incredible for someone who almost passed out in the delivery room when our son was born! He laughed about it, but while watching him re-wrap my bandages I told him I think it was the most proud I have ever been of him in our 15 years of marriage.
Thirdly, I have to thank the incredible nursing staff at John Muir. They took exceptional care of me, no doubt. My favorite nurse was named Trini, and she was there with me for two full days. I was in awe of these compassionate and caring individuals. My mom and I were talking about how it takes a very special person to be called to be a nurse. Some of them working 12-hour shifts and still as pleasant as ever at the end of their shift than at the beginning! I am so appreciative of their TLC.
My sister was able to stay with me all weekend in the hospital. It was quite nice, actually. I had a huge, private room and they brought in a cot for Elise. It was a rainy, wet weekend so what better time to rest and relax while watching the rain fall outside? Elise was a great nurse, too. We enjoyed the quiet time together without the kids, since most often we get together with our six kiddos in tow. One thing that was so funny - we decided to try to be young and hip and watch the MTV movie awards on Sunday night. What a mistake! We truly are getting old...the show was distasteful, wraunchy and over-the-top inappropriate! I am saddened that the youth of today are entertained by such crap.
Being home has been great, although a little challenging. I am trying to make things as normal as possible and it's been terrific with families who have provided dinners for us (THANK YOU!). Even if I haven't been hungry, it's great to know that there is food to feed the family and the pressure is off to have to cook. That's been truly a gift.
I am still in pain, unfortunately, but I suppose that is to be expected. The pain meds they have prescribed are a bit strong...so I'm trying to balance feeling some pain with keeping my head on straight. I don't want to see "loopy or out of it" around the kids. Each day I've been home I've gone with Harun to pick them up from school and put on a happy face. I even played Wii with Conrad yesterday and sat in the back yard to watch them all shoot hoops last night. These are just small victories, I know, but I am taking pleasure in them.
I will see my plastic surgeon for a post-op appointment tomorrow, and will meet my oncologist (Dr. Tiffany Svahn) on Friday. The doctors are saying there is possibly a need for me to have some additional treatment (boo hoo, I thought I was done with this CRAP!) so we now need to sit down and make a plan for the future. My pathology report is not yet back from the surgery, but once we have that in hand, then we can make some decisions. It seems that probably both chemo and radiation will be in my near future, but obviously in a few weeks after I have healed from the surgery. Even knowing this, my resolve remains the same - the kick cancer to the curb - and I will do whatever it takes to get well. I am a little bit disappointed about the chemo part since I was really hoping to avoid this. It will be scary even for ME to lose my hair, so I can only imagine how scary it might be for my kids. The only fun part might be having the girls help me pick out a wig since they like hairdos. We'll cross that bridge when we get there.
Thank you to everyone for everything this past week. I don't know how I will ever be able to thank each and every person who has done something nice for me...but please know I am appreciative of it all and I feel your love!
XO
Thirdly, I have to thank the incredible nursing staff at John Muir. They took exceptional care of me, no doubt. My favorite nurse was named Trini, and she was there with me for two full days. I was in awe of these compassionate and caring individuals. My mom and I were talking about how it takes a very special person to be called to be a nurse. Some of them working 12-hour shifts and still as pleasant as ever at the end of their shift than at the beginning! I am so appreciative of their TLC.
My sister was able to stay with me all weekend in the hospital. It was quite nice, actually. I had a huge, private room and they brought in a cot for Elise. It was a rainy, wet weekend so what better time to rest and relax while watching the rain fall outside? Elise was a great nurse, too. We enjoyed the quiet time together without the kids, since most often we get together with our six kiddos in tow. One thing that was so funny - we decided to try to be young and hip and watch the MTV movie awards on Sunday night. What a mistake! We truly are getting old...the show was distasteful, wraunchy and over-the-top inappropriate! I am saddened that the youth of today are entertained by such crap.
Being home has been great, although a little challenging. I am trying to make things as normal as possible and it's been terrific with families who have provided dinners for us (THANK YOU!). Even if I haven't been hungry, it's great to know that there is food to feed the family and the pressure is off to have to cook. That's been truly a gift.
I am still in pain, unfortunately, but I suppose that is to be expected. The pain meds they have prescribed are a bit strong...so I'm trying to balance feeling some pain with keeping my head on straight. I don't want to see "loopy or out of it" around the kids. Each day I've been home I've gone with Harun to pick them up from school and put on a happy face. I even played Wii with Conrad yesterday and sat in the back yard to watch them all shoot hoops last night. These are just small victories, I know, but I am taking pleasure in them.
I will see my plastic surgeon for a post-op appointment tomorrow, and will meet my oncologist (Dr. Tiffany Svahn) on Friday. The doctors are saying there is possibly a need for me to have some additional treatment (boo hoo, I thought I was done with this CRAP!) so we now need to sit down and make a plan for the future. My pathology report is not yet back from the surgery, but once we have that in hand, then we can make some decisions. It seems that probably both chemo and radiation will be in my near future, but obviously in a few weeks after I have healed from the surgery. Even knowing this, my resolve remains the same - the kick cancer to the curb - and I will do whatever it takes to get well. I am a little bit disappointed about the chemo part since I was really hoping to avoid this. It will be scary even for ME to lose my hair, so I can only imagine how scary it might be for my kids. The only fun part might be having the girls help me pick out a wig since they like hairdos. We'll cross that bridge when we get there.
Thank you to everyone for everything this past week. I don't know how I will ever be able to thank each and every person who has done something nice for me...but please know I am appreciative of it all and I feel your love!
XO
Friday, June 3, 2011
Friday, June 3rd - SURGERY DAY! YAY!
This is going to sound completely absurd, but I am so EXCITED it is surgery day! All these tests and all this anxious waiting and now I can finally get it over with and move on with my life! Yes, I am nervous and yes, my stomach is completely in knots but I know that once I get to the hospital I will be fine. My plan is to close my eyes, picture my happy place (Chamber's Landing at Lake Tahoe) and then sleep. Hopefully when I awake it will be all over and I will open my eyes to see my loved ones. I am so very thankful for the incredible support I have gotten from first and foremost my close family...but also for the outpouring of love, prayers and concern from many, many friends and relatives (both near and far!). Thank you all. It helps me to feel strong, knowing that so many folks are sending me love today. I promise to "keep on, keepin' on" and see you all real soon with a nice new set of boobies! God bless. Adios for now!!!
Thursday, June 2, 2011
June 2, 2011 - Pre-op with Dr. Wowo
This afternoon was my pre-op appointment with my plastic surgeon, Dr. Wowo. I felt completely at ease today...maybe it was because I set the tone for the meeting by asking the Doc what kind of bike he rides. (That's something all bikers do; we compare notes on what type of frame we have. Come to find out he has two Treks.) Dr. Wowo drew crazy lines all over my chest and breasts with a purple pen. Honestly, you would crack up if you saw the lines he made...it looks like a crazy African tatoo or something. Right out of National Geographic. The last thing he said to me was see you tomorrow and "be good". Not quite sure what that meant, but you can rest assured I am trying my best to be "good" tonight. After the appointment Elise took me out for lunch and a beer; earlier in the day we had a mani/pedi so it was some great "sister" time.
As advised, I drank lots of water this afternoon, had spaghetti dinner up at Mom's house (thanks Mom!), and now having some quiet time at home. I am nervous as heck about tomorrow morning but I completely trust everyone involved in this chaotic thing and I am putting myself in the hands of these skilled surgeons as well as the Lord.
As advised, I drank lots of water this afternoon, had spaghetti dinner up at Mom's house (thanks Mom!), and now having some quiet time at home. I am nervous as heck about tomorrow morning but I completely trust everyone involved in this chaotic thing and I am putting myself in the hands of these skilled surgeons as well as the Lord.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
June 1, 2011 - Pre-Admission Appointment
Harun and I went to my pre-admission appointment at the hospital this afternoon. This meeting is essentially to get all the important paperwork out of the way, and to give you some details about where to report and when on the day of surgery. The nurse, Stephanie, was really friendly and I loved the fact that she told me I could have a sedative as soon as I arrive on Friday! Praise the Lord! We are scheduled to get there at 8am, and our first stop will be radiation to receive the dye injection for the lymph node test. Harun will be able to stay with me during that time. Poor Harun, he hates hospitals and needles and I know all this is very hard for him to handle, but nonetheless he is being a wonderful support. The surgery will start at 11 am, and last about 5 hours. Then I will probably be in recovery for about an hour. I believe my mom, dad and sister will be at the hospital when I wake up and my mother-in-law will be staying at our house with the kids. Carolyn keeps asking me if I am scared; I keep assuring her that "no, I am just fine". I'm not sure if she is buying it or not but I am trying my best to be convincing. My biggest fear is that all of this freaks out our kids so the more low key I can make my emotions, the better. This has already disrupted our lives enough.
June 1, 2011 - Brunch at Nancy's
OK, so it wasn't Breakfast at Tiffany's, but it was Brunch at Nancy's!!! Thanks to Nancy for opening her breathtaking home for a wonderful morning sharing coffee and delicious goodies with some inspiring women. Again, I was reminded how wonderful it is to be me...I am so blessed with incredible friends who came together to show me their love and support just before my surgery. Many of these ladies I met at St. Bonaventure and the fact that we all have a shared faith in the Lord makes the relationship even more special. Seeing all of these friends lifted my spirits and gave me a smile in my heart. One friend, Monica, gave me a card with this beautiful saying -
"I know you trust in God, so I won't preach about knowing He's there for us all the more when we need Him most. And I know you have the wisdom to see through the cliches and pat answers, so I won't offer any easy advice. Instead, what I do want to offer is a gentle reminder of just how much strength you have inside...I've seen it and so has everyone who knows you. I hope you can feel God's presence and power in a personal way right now...and I hope you can feel the caring, understanding, and support that's going out to you from my heart."
Wow...
"I know you trust in God, so I won't preach about knowing He's there for us all the more when we need Him most. And I know you have the wisdom to see through the cliches and pat answers, so I won't offer any easy advice. Instead, what I do want to offer is a gentle reminder of just how much strength you have inside...I've seen it and so has everyone who knows you. I hope you can feel God's presence and power in a personal way right now...and I hope you can feel the caring, understanding, and support that's going out to you from my heart."
Wow...
May 31, 2011 - Night out with the Besties
My girlfriends from high school had a terrific idea of getting together at PF Chang's for a yummy dinner, some good wine, some laughs, some good conversation and some hugs. It was a wonderful time and it made me really appreciate how much I love all of them. There is something about being with friends you have had for a long time (a few of them 30+ years) that makes it so easy and comfortable to talk about anything...plus, laughter is always the best remedy and there is always a great deal of humor shared amongst this group of characters. One friend drove all the way from Lodi and another from Sonoma - wow, I was humbled that on a "school" night we all were able to get together and raise a glass. Some of my best times have been with these ladies. As we sat there at dinner, I couldn't help but think about the proven statistic that 1 in 8 women will develop breast cancer during their lifetime. I certainly hope I am the only "1" in the group...it would pain me to think of any of them having to endure this.
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