Chemo was hard today. I normally go in with my head held high and my kick a** attitude, but today I just wasn't feelin' it. I was dreading what was about to come because I know it meant more consecutive days of nausea and sickness. The whole thing is getting old, to be honest. Just when I start to feel semi-normal it's time to go back again and mentally, that is very difficult. Again, I realize I have no choice in the matter, but that doesn't make it any easier.
Two things DID help me get through it:
1) My dear friend from Southern California, Suzanne, sent me a bright pink Road ID bracelet (the kind I wear when riding the bike) and I wore it to chemo today. It reads, "Tamara Simbirdi, warrior and survivor, kicking cancer to the curb!" It also lists two emergency phone numbers (Harun and Elise) in case of an accident. Woo hoo! I love this. I plan to wear it for the duration of my treatment and then it will be handy when I start riding the bike again. Everytime I looked down at it, it reminded me that I am supported by a huge team of champions and their support means everything to me.
2) I got some wonderful news from a Spin friend of mine, Rich. Rich's young son-in-law, Jaime, had cancer a few years ago and we used to chat about it. When I was training for the TNT century ride I rode with Jaime's name on my jersey to remind me of Jaime's struggles as I headed up hills and logged miles on the bike. He endured a terrible regime of chemotherapy during his treatment and eventually came out on the other side happy and healthy. Rich sent me a message this morning to let me know that Jaime and his wife just gave birth to a healthy baby boy! What a blessing! It is truly amazing that even with the ill-effects of chemotherapy on the body, Jaime was able to move on and create something so beautiful and precious with his wife. God is good!
These two things really helped me get through today. Funny, sometimes I'm not sure what will inspire me to move forward but something always seems to pop up and help me along. Our Carolyn gave me a little poem which I keep next to my bed and it goes like this, "To get through the hardest journey, we need to take only one step at a time...but we must keep stepping." I think of this mantra a lot, especially when I am having a hard day.
Next up - I have an appointment with the genetic counselor on Monday morning to find out if I carry the BRCA gene. Stay tuned. I will post the results.
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