Saturday, August 13 - My last Neulasta shot - cause to celebrate!

I'm so sorry I haven't been blogging.  The effects from the third chemo treatment were absolutely horrible and I felt too sick to even sit in front of the computer!  The symptoms themselves were about the same (nauseau, tiredness, sores in my mouth, diareah, hair loss, etc.) but they all lasted LONGER then previous infusions.  The doctor says that is because the effects are cumulative; the more drugs you have in your system, the longer it will take to expell them.  I would say it took me eight days straight of experiencing all the side effects listed above before I felt any relief.  I apologize if I didn't get a deserved thank you note to you yet this past week, or responded to emails or calls, I honestly just felt so sick that I didn't have the energy to do much of anything and I didn't feel like being social.  I do feel your love, and I do enjoy getting your cards and messages!  Sometimes I am just not well enough to respond.  I hope you'll understand.

Heading into chemo #4 was not a happy day for me; knowing what was about to come. I am trying to handle the sickness as best I can.  It's very important to me to keep things around home as normal as possible for the kids, so I try to meet their every need while taking care of myself.  This even meant taking a recent shopping trip to the mall on Carolyn's birthday when I wasn't feeling 100%...but by golly, I did it (with some assistance from my mom)!  I feel badly that both of our girls didn't have birthday parties this summer due to my illness, but I am hoping we can make it up to them sometime in the fall when I have more energy.  Luckily, they have been pretty understanding of the situation.

And poor Harun!  He is still loving me and caring for me as best he can even though I look like a freakshow!  My hair is COMPLETLY gone now; yup, I am no longer fuzzy haired on top but completely bald.  It was very itchy and scratch and was painful when I would lay my head on the pillow.  So Elissa suggested taking a razor and shaving the remaining hair and Harun was happy to oblige.  This made all the difference!  I am no longer uncomfortable sleeping or wearing a cap.  When I look in the mirror I think I look like a "conehead" person from Saturday Night Live (if any of you remember the skit!).  The beauty is that I still have eyebrows and lashes so at least I have that going for me.  I wear these wraps on my head sometimes and Harun laughs and tells me that I look like an Amish person, but honestly they are more comfortable than the wigs.  I realize the wigs look better, but somehow for me they feel very unnatural and itchy and I'd rather not wear them unless I'm going somewhere in public with the kids and their friends.

All in all, the chemo treatment yesterday went well.  My mom was with me and it was comforting to me to have her there.  I wanted her to see just how crazy it is and how many drugs they give me in a short amount of time.  Again, I have probably said this before but I have excellent, nurturing nurses and I am always happy to see them; even knowing they are about to shoot me up with poisionous drugs!  This was my LAST round of receiving two cancer-killing drugs called "A" and "C" so there was reason to celebrate.  We let out a big "WOO HOO!" when it was all over.  These are the hardest-hitting of the all the drugs they give you and they usually give patients the most trouble with recovery.  They hit you so hard that the doctors must allow you two weeks to recover in between treatments to assure that your body has that time to regain strength and build enough white blood cells so they can treat you once again.  All my blood counts looked great yesterday so we were able to proceed with the infusion.

Two weeks from now I will switch regimes to a cancer-killing drug called Taxol.  Trust me, Taxol has its' own list of crazy side affects, but one of them is NOT nausea so neededless to say I am banking on that.  The nausea has been what has been hardest for me to endure.  Depending on the day, it ranges somewhere between feeling like a bad hang over, the flu and morning sickness all rolled up into one, and it lasts for days on end.  The Taxol is not as difficult on the body as the A/C so this infusion will be given to me once a week on Fridays (starting August 26th).  I will have 12 Taxol treatments in a row, each once a week until November 14.  (Can you tell how excited I am to be done with this; I'm already looking ahead toward my end date!!!).  The oncologist tells me that 99.9% of her patients report that life gets much better once the Taxol starts...I am counting on that.  That means life would start to roll downhill from here, in a good way.

This morning at 10 I will go for my last Neulasta shot...yippee!  The shot is given in your arm to boost white blood cell counts in your blood marrow and therefore its' side affects include a general body ache and overall joint pain.  I never look forward to it because I usually feel like crap afterwards (on top of the other crap I am already experiencing from the A/C!).  Advil helps a little, or claritin.  Neulasta is not given to patients during the Taxol regime so after this morning I am DONE with it!

A couple of exciting, positive things:

1) I think I might be participating in the American Cancer Society Relay for Life coming up next weekend in Clayton.  I would LOVE to be able to do this, as the ACS has done so much for me since my diagnosis.  I was amazed to find out how many programs they sponsor for cancer patients and how many resources they have available.  If you know of someone participating in the walk and can afford a small donation, I encourage you to do this.  I can attest that the money does go towards people like myself in need!  The ACS gave me a $500 wig for free to wear during the length of my chemo treatments, no questions asked.  It was awesome!  I also attended a class they were hosting for women about skin care and makeup during chemo.  It was very helpful...otherwise I wouldn't have known how to "draw" in my own eyebrows once they start falling out!  The Relay for Life has a "Survivor's Loop" and I told the organizer that I was planning to be there, depending on how strong I was feeling.  The event is a week from now and I am hoping to be well enough from this last chemo treatment to be there.  We'll see.  It might be good for me to walk among the other survivors and feel their energy.  Come out and walk with me!  Here's the link to the event:

http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/RelayForLife/RFLFY11CA?sid=1003&type=fr_informational&pg=informational&fr_id=34922

2) I am also considering doing a 5k fundraising walk for the Susan G. Komen foundation in San Francisco on Sunday, September 25.  It's just a quick fun run or walk along the SF Embarcadero starting and finishing at the Ferry Building.  The cost is just $30 to participate and you get a free T-shirt.  If any of you have an inkling that you'd like to come out and walk with me I WOULD LOVE IT.  This is not a fitness contest, by any means, but just a way to get out and walk and show support for the cause.  (And trust me, I will be walking very SLOW since chemo has robbed me of almost all of my fitness).  I think it might be beneficial for me to be around others who are either currently suffering from BC for who are survivors.  Below is the link for the signup.  The website is listed below.  Check it out and send me an email if you'd like to come along and join the fun tsimbirdi@gmail.com

https://secure.info-komen.org/site/TRR/RacefortheCure/SFO_SanFranciscoAffiliate/605301980?pg=ptype&fr_id=2287