Week of June 6 - Recovering at Home

Home Sweet Home!  It felt great to return home to my family on Monday afternoon.  Just as I had imagined, the surgery went well and thanks to the drugs, I don't remember anything at all.  I am thankful first and foremost to the Lord, because I felt him holding me in the palm of his hand all weekend.  Secondly, my husband, sister, mom and dad were amazing.  Harun is normally very nervous in hospitals and around anything to do with the medial field in general, and yet he was cool and calm and very reassuring that all would be well.  I am so proud of him.  He even watched them remove my bandages for the first time and became my "primary" caregiver at home - the nurses taught him how to change my dressings and to drain my tube fluid.  Incredible for someone who almost passed out in the delivery room when our son was born!  He laughed about it, but while watching him re-wrap my bandages I told him I think it was the most proud I have ever been of him in our 15 years of marriage.

Thirdly, I have to thank the incredible nursing staff at John Muir.  They took exceptional care of me, no doubt.  My favorite nurse was named Trini, and she was there with me for two full days.  I was in awe of these compassionate and caring individuals.  My mom and I were talking about how it takes a very special person to be called to be a nurse.  Some of them working 12-hour shifts and still as pleasant as ever at the end of their shift than at the beginning!  I am so appreciative of their TLC.

My sister was able to stay with me all weekend in the hospital.  It was quite nice, actually.  I had a huge, private room and they brought in a cot for Elise.  It was a rainy, wet weekend so what better time to rest and relax while watching the rain fall outside?  Elise was a great nurse, too.  We enjoyed the quiet time together without the kids, since most often we get together with our six kiddos in tow.  One thing that was so funny - we decided to try to be young and hip and watch the MTV movie awards on Sunday night.  What a mistake!  We truly are getting old...the show was distasteful, wraunchy and over-the-top inappropriate!  I am saddened that the youth of today are entertained by such crap.

Being home has been great, although a little challenging.  I am trying to make things as normal as possible and it's been terrific with families who have provided dinners for us (THANK YOU!).  Even if I haven't been hungry, it's great to know that there is food to feed the family and the pressure is off to have to cook.  That's been truly a gift.

I am still in pain, unfortunately, but I suppose that is to be expected.  The pain meds they have prescribed are a bit strong...so I'm trying to balance feeling some pain with keeping my head on straight.  I don't want to see "loopy or out of it" around the kids.  Each day I've been home I've gone with Harun to pick them up from school and put on a happy face.  I even played Wii with Conrad yesterday and sat in the back yard to watch them all shoot hoops last night.  These are just small victories, I know, but I am taking pleasure in them.

I will see my plastic surgeon for a post-op appointment tomorrow, and will meet my oncologist (Dr. Tiffany Svahn) on Friday.  The doctors are saying there is possibly a need for me to have some additional treatment (boo hoo, I thought I was done with this CRAP!) so we now need to sit down and make a plan for the future.  My pathology report is not yet back from the surgery, but once we have that in hand, then we can make some decisions.  It seems that probably both chemo and radiation will be in my near future, but obviously in a few weeks after I have healed from the surgery.  Even knowing this, my resolve remains the same - the kick cancer to the curb - and I will do whatever it takes to get well.  I am a little bit disappointed about the chemo part since I was really hoping to avoid this.  It will be scary even for ME to lose my hair, so I can only imagine how scary it might be for my kids.  The only fun part might be having the girls help me pick out a wig since they like hairdos.  We'll cross that bridge when we get there.

Thank you to everyone for everything this past week.  I don't know how I will ever be able to thank each and every person who has done something nice for me...but please know I am appreciative of it all and I feel your love!

XO