Tuesday, December 20th - Reconstructive Surgery

Hi all!  This morning I had my second reconstructive surgery at San Ramon Medical Center and all went well.  It seemed like a relatively easy procedure after all the poking and prodding I have endured this year!  I also had my chemo port removed - yippee!  It was bumpy and ugly and I am so relieved to have it gone.  Conrad asked me why I didn't choose to "bring it home" with me, but I explained that it had served its' purpose and was better off in the hospital trash can!

Obviously I am sore but I am so elated to have this procedure behind me.  I am still all bandaged up so I can't yet report how lovely the new "girls" look just yet.  I am hoping to dress up later this week for Christmas Eve.

Now just a few weeks of laying low and recovering and then it's on to 2011!  The Simbirdis have had an incredibly crazy year and we are all very excited to a better year ahead.  I wish everyone health, happiness and joy.  The best thing about having cancer is that it has made me appreciate everyone and everything in my life and I have been sincerely enjoying the holiday season, as crazy as it can get.  I read something in Lance Armstrong's book which has stayed with me; he said those of us surviving cancer are the lucky ones.  Sounds strange, but in a way it is true.  Having faced and endured a scary diagnosis and illness, we "get it".  We understand first-hand just how precious life is and realize that it's wonderful just to be here.

Friday, December 2nd - Tamoxifen

It seemed strange to turn into the parking lot at Diablo Valley Oncology on Friday morning, since it had been 3 weeks since I had been there!  That might not seem like a long time to some, but for me it seemed like an eternity.  (And a good one, albeit.)  Dr. Svahn checked my blood levels and she said that things were starting to return to normal.  I am free to go about my life!  Yippee!  She gave me a prescription for Tamoxifen which is a drug they give to folks like me who have not yet gone through menopause but who have had breast cancer.  My first day taking it was today, and I will take it everyday for the next 5 years.  Dr. Svahn said with my type of cancer, this drug has proven to be effective in reducing the chances of the cancer spreading to other organs.  Even though I have had both breasts removed, I also still need to do a self-exam each month to make sure nothing suspicious arises.  (This seems funny to me since I never had a tumor in the first place, only cancerous cells that were detected by the mammogram.)  There are supposedly a few side effects to taking Tamoxifen, but for someone like me, the benefits of taking it far outweigh the side effects.  Dr. Svahn said that taking it every day will be the most important thing I can do for my body in terms of keeping cancer away.  Eating healthy, exercising, limiting alcohol and caffeine are all good practices for sure, but taking the drug is the single most important thing I can do to assure a healthy future.  Most likely I will experience hot flashes as a result of the medicine, but she said that as my body adjusts to taking it, the flashes will get better over time.  I will see the Dr. again in two months to discuss how things are going, then every three months for exams.  In fact, I will be in her care for the next 10 years before I can say I am officially "cancer-free".

Here's the scary part; most breast cancer recurrences are discovered by patients between doctor visits.  I am supposed to contact Dr. Svahn if I have bone pain, chest pain, abdominal pain, etc. that lasts for more than a few days.  But I am thinking positive that I have conquered this disease and won't anticipate any of that!

I am so thankful to be feeling better, especially with the holiday season upon us.  I am so elated that I can participate in all the normal holiday hoopla and my heart goes out to the patients in the infusion room who will not be feeling so well.  The thought of going through chemo during Thanksgiving and Christmas just breaks my heart.  I told Dr. Svahn this and she suggested that I volunteer some time at the Cancer Support Center in Pleasant Hill.  Maybe I can share my story with someone who was recently diagnosed to provide confidence and assurance that there is life after surgery and chemo.

I have been back on my bike a few times and it feels AWESOME!  I didn't realize just how much I had missed my riding and exercising until I got back into it.  What a rush!  I am addicted to those endorphins again!  It is a little bit disheartening that I am so out of shape (from almost 5 months off) but with regular training, I anticipate that won't last for very long.  I unfortunately gained 10 pounds during chemo treatment due to the inactivity and consumption of numerous "carb" foods so my goal is to start working to get back down to my normal weight.  I have also started using a "healthy scalp" shampoo which is supposed to aid my hair in growing back, as well as an eyelash product which is also supposed to promote growth.  Now that I am feeling more myself I can't wait to start looking more myself!

Next up: saline implant surgery in San Ramon on December 20th.  My plastic surgeon tells me it will be a piece of cake.  He will be switching out my current "tissue expanders" with saline implants utilizing the same incisions made for the mastectomies.  It is a very quick out-patient surgery and I will be home the same day.  No lifting, driving or vacuuming for a week...oh bummer.  Harun and kids will have to do the laundry and vacuum, doctor's orders.  :)

I HAVE CROSSED THE FINISH LINE!

First and foremost I want to say “THANK GOD” that I made it through the past 7 months.  I have been through so much since my diagnosis on April 15th of this year.  My chemo treatments ended last Friday and needless to say, I AM EXCITED about my new life ahead!  As each day passes I feel stronger and stronger and better and better.  In retrospect and now that I am starting to feel more like myself, I realize just how sick and miserable I had been.  One of the main things that got me through was the support of SO many wonderful folks.


To my old friends and to my new friends,
To the California Family,
To my family members on the East Coast,
To the cheer moms,
To the St. Bonnie’s friends,
To the Heartlets,
To my bike riding/gym buddies,
To my high school friends,
To my dear friend Monica who took Conrad after school every Friday for almost four months,


I will be forever grateful to you.

I am also grateful for not only your delicious meals, but help with cleaning my house, childcare for our kids, rides to and from chemo, the walking buddies on days when I was feeling up to it and buddies who met me for coffee and chatting when I needed it.  I am forever grateful.  I am also grateful for your moral support; the prayers, the calls, the letters, the emails, the texts.  And the cards - I have saved every single one of them.  On bad days when I felt like I couldn’t take another minute, I would pull one out and the comforting word of a friend would immediately make me feel better.  I have a bag FULL of them.

Whatever category you fall into, please know that I am forever indebted to you. Words cannot even express to you my gratitude for every kindness that was shown to me over the past seven months.  I have always thought that I have been blessed with incredible family and friends, but what can I say…now, even more, I KNOW that I have incredible friends.  Angels.

The past few months have been some of the darkest times of my life and I could not have made it through if I didn’t have the support of all of you.  That was one of the hardest things to accept: that I couldn’t do it all and I was going to have to accept help if my family was going to survive this ordeal.

I know I will look someday soon and realize that God had a plan for me in all this…one thing I can tell you now is that it taught me how incredibly important RELATIONSHIPS are in my life.  Not material things, but relationships.

Last Friday night, two of my dear friends hosted a party for me at Moresi's in downtown Clayton.  It was wonderful to raise a glass and celebrate this new chapter in my life!  I posted some photos from the event on this page.


“Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints on your heart.”
Thank you for being a true friend to me when I needed you most!

Tuesday, November 8th - Dr. Wotowik Appointment

Now that chemo is coming to an end it's time to start preparing for my second surgery.  Yippee!  I can hardly believe it.  I saw my plastic surgeon, Dr. Wotowik, this afternoon.  He took a look at things and we discussed my new "girls".  He said that everything has healed just fine from the mastectomy and therefore we can proceed with "round two" of the breast reconstruction process.  Unfortunately I have to wait until Tuesday, December 20th...this is because my body needs time to bounce back after all the chemo treatments I have had.  Dr. Wotowik advised waiting at least a month so that all the chemo will have left my body and my white blood cell counts will presumably be back to normal.  The surgery will be done at San Ramon Valley Medical Center (at their outpatient facility) at 11:15 am and it's only a two-hour procedure.  I will be in and out that same day and should be feeling pretty decent right afterwards.  There are only a few restrictions following surgery (for about a week or two) which involve no driving or lifting.  Honestly, I almost cried in his office today...I am so happy to be moving forward with what feels like another baby step in this very painful and agonizingly long ordeal!!!  No kidding, come January 2012 I will be a WHOLE NEW WOMAN.

Next important appointment - next Monday the 14th.  I meet with Dr. Eigelberger, the breast surgeon, to discuss having my port removed.  Again, yet another surgery (albeit minor!) but it makes me happy to think I am one step closer to putting this behind me.

After almost five months and 16 treatments behind me, CHEMO WILL BE FINISHED THIS FRIDAY!  I am viewing it as the first day of the rest of my life. :)

Tuesday, October 25 - THREE Treatments Left

I can hardly believe that it will only be three more weeks of treatment and then I can get on with the rest of my life.  It seems like an eternity since I was diagnosed on April 15th.  The best way I can describe it is to say my life has been on hold for six months and I am anxiously awaiting normalcy to return.  I almost feel like I can't exhale and won't until November 11th has come and gone.

Unfortunately the treatments have not gotten any easier, in fact, some days/weeks are worse than they have been.  Like today, I had scheduled a bike ride with a friend but had to back out because I just feel sick.  It is an awful feeling; I'm not quite sure what to activities to schedule because I never know just how by body will be on any given day.  Last Tuesday I had a glorious bike ride and felt terrific, so to wake up today and not feel well was disappointing.  I realize that I only have three weeks to go but that honestly doesn't make it any easier.  Some of the odd side effects of Taxol are really starting to bother me.  One of them in particular is this strange sense that something is stuck in my throat and I have to keep swallowing to try to clear what is there.  And there is NOTHING there!  It's just a weird sensation.  The other things that are bothering me lately are the neuropathy (tingling in my hands and feet) and hot flashes.  Yes, I realize I only have to endure these things for the next three weeks but let me tell you, it's been 13 weeks so far and I am TIRED of it all.

On a more positive note, the hair on my head is starting its regrowth.  It's not really hair yet, actually, more like peach fuzz, but something is definitely happening up there!  I look forward to the day when I can leave my wig at home or not wear a cap...that will be liberating!  I am always somehow afraid that either of these will blow off in the wind and I will shock folks with my "alien" look.  The only place I feel truly free is when I am on my bike with my bike helmet on; it is strapped on so there is no fear of it blowing off and I can feel the wind rushing against my head.  It sounds weird, but it's true.  I am not a vain person, by any means, but I am looking forward to having my hair back.  It's kind of like insult to injury - you feel really sick and depressed because of the effect of the cancer drugs - and then you have to endure LOOKING weird through it all.  No fun.  I laugh when I tell Harun it must be hard to love me right now because I look so strange, but he's been terrific.

That's all for now.  I am doing my best to remain positive and strong (as I had promised myself I would at the start of this whole thing!) but I can definitely say it is taking its toll on me.  I guess I am just getting tired of fighting the fight and would like it to all be over sooner than later!!!

Friday, September 30th - ONLY 6 MORE WEEKS TO GO!

Hi everyone!  I apalogize for not blogging these past few weeks...there has not been very much new news to report so I haven't logged on lately to say HI to you.  I am plugging way and making it through!

Today marks my half-way point through the Taxol treatment!  Six treatments down, six treatments to go!  Needless to say I am very excited about this.  The past six weeks have gone by extremely quickly, as we are now very busy with the kids in school and all of their numerous activities.  I am trying to focus most of my energies on them right now and all they have happening, instead of dwelling on the strange side effects of the chemo infusions.  This seems to be working for me because as I said, the weeks are passing quickly and it seems every week I am pleasantly surprised when Friday rolls around again.  And strangely enough, I enjoy my treatments!  I know that sounds odd, but here is why:

1) I adore my nurses and caregivers at the oncology office...they are some of the sweestest people you will ever meet and seeing them brings a smile to my face.  With every visit to the office, I realize that I am one step closer to finishing treatment.  I tell my nurses that as much as I love them, I don't plan on ever returning to visit them and they laugh at me.  I think they understand why.  I couldn't imagine having to go there every week if I didn't enjoy the seeing them so much.  I have such a new-found appreciation for those who working in the nursing field, especially oncology.  Many ladies I have met at DVMO have been working in the field for a long time, and they have such interesting stories.  I love when they tell me their stories.  Uplifting and inspirational, the stories make me feel like I, too, will be victorious over this disease and maybe one day MY story will be told.  Last week, a nurse named Judy told me a story of a young patient in her 20's who discovered a cancerous lump in her breast while pregnant with her first child...she had to have chemo administered DURING her pregnancy!  Unthinkable, I know!  Somehow the drugs they gave her where safe for her unborn child.  That child is now 8 and quite a firecracker, I am told, and his mother is doing just fine.  AhMazing!!!

2) The second reason I like having my chemo treatments is that afterwards I am really tired and feel drugged, but by Friday evening I am usually feeling pretty good.  It sounds ironic, but it's true.  Saturdays are great!  I am so happy this is the day of the week when we have lots of soccer and cheer/football games because I usually have enough energy to attend everything we have planned.  The reason I feel good on these days is because they give me a lot of pre-meds to combat the Taxol's difficult side effects, so I am still feeling the benefit of these pre-meds through Saturday.  Come Sunday, however, when the meds wear off, I usually feel a general malaise and stomach upset for a few days.  It is mild, but still troublesome.  I just keep telling myself, "I CAN DO IT!"

3) The third positive reason is that I REALLY enjoy having friends take me to my infusion appointments.  It sounds funny, but with such a busy family life it is difficult to set aside time just for visiting and talking.  I LOVE having someone different take me each week...it makes the treatment go by faster, and it is wonderful to catch up.  I have said this before, but I have such wonderful friends.  I like bringing them with me to give them a little glimpse of what my world is like these days.  Funny, but it's almost like sharing it with them helps me to lighten the load.

The newest side effect I am experiencing these days is a tingling in my fingers and toes; it is called neuropathy.  It's not painful at all, just irritating and there's not much too do about it but to try some additional vitamins (some B vitamins and Alpha Lipoic Acid).  It's a lot like when your foot or hand falls asleep; lots of pin and needle-type pricks.  The doctor said they basically just watch this to make sure it doesn't get too bad.  Bad, for example, would be if I couldn't put on my necklace clasp in the morning or button a blouse.  I haven't had this problem yet.

Like I had anticipated, my eyelashes and eyebrows are starting to fall out.  It's kind of funny, actually.  I look a little bit like an alien...since it seems every other lash or brow hair has fallen out but some still remain!  It's hard, but I keep reminding myself IT IS TEMPORARY...hair does not define me and neither will this experience.

Some weeks I feel pretty good, some weeks I feel like I have a slight flu.  I am not sure exactly why that is how it works, but that's just the way it is.  If you see me out and about or at spin class, then you know I am having a good week...if I seem MIA, then you know I am not feeling so well.  I mentioned this to the doctor and she said that's just the way it is.  How my body reacts one week to the meds might be different from the week before.  It almost seems to alternate each week...I am looking forward to the week ahead because last week was a doozy.  The good thing is that while I often feel a general malaise, I am still able to take the kids to school and practices and such.  Routine like this helps me to get though and I know it is reassuring to the kids that Mom is around and doing things for them.

I made an appointment in November to see Dr. Wotowick, my "plastic".  Once chemo ends on November 11th we will start making plans for my implant surgery.  Most likely this will be taking place mid-December, and as I had said before, it is an outpatient surgery and much, much easier than the double mastectomy.  As promised, I should be looking fabulous for that Christmas pageant!

Thank you again to all my helpers and angels.  I say a prayer of thanksgiving for you all every night.  I think I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel...

Labor Day - FEELIN' GOOD!

Had a funny feeling this morning as I was vacuuming the living room - how good it felt to do everyday chores like I used to do, before I was diagnosed with BC.  Strange that I would actually enjoy vacuuming the living room and doing mundane household tasks!  But, alas, I did!

Maybe that will be one of the many things I take away from this experience - we should never take our health for granted and be thankful for even silly things, like being ABLE to push the vacuum!  I had never given it much thought before...

This week's Taxol chemo went MUCH better than the first.  I took the doctor's advice and did everything she told me, and praise God, I felt a heck of a lot better.  Still some stomach upset and discomfort on Day 3 after the pre-meds had worn off, but I was still able to function and spend the day with my family.  In contrast, last week on Day 3 I was in and out of the bathroom and could barely lift my head off the couch pillow!  This week was indeed a nice change.  And fortunately for me, I've been told it will only get better and better as time goes by as my body learns to accept the medicine.  Woo hoo!

It has been a quiet Labor Day weekend as we didn't want to plan too much in the event I wasn't feeling well.  Since I felt great, on Saturday we had dinner with Mom, Dad, Elise and Steve and on Sunday we took the kids swimming.  Today we are catching up on things around the house, but like I said, I am enjoying it!

Only 10 weeks and 10 treatments left to go!